What is the Statute of Limitations on Spoiler Alerts?


This might seem funny to you, but I got so badly spoilereded that I wanted to metaphorically punch this little old lady in the face.

It all started when I decided to watch NYPD Blue on Amazon Prime because, hey, y'know, show-hole and all. Of course, this show aired between '93 and '05, so it's dated as I don't know what. But I like it! It's got good stories, funny characters, and great camera work.

A couple of weeks later, I was just watching some random news story in the evening and this old lady, probably around my Bubbie's age, that the anchor was talking to about some such tragedy said she's never seen anything so sad since they killed Bobby Simone on NYPD Blue.

BOOM. Bolt Upright. And I'm like, "WHAT. THE. FUCK? THEY KILLED BOBBY SIMONE? I'M ONLY ON SEASON 5. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY KILLED HIM? GODDAMNIT LADY."

So I go to my Prime watchlist and fast forward through to the episode in question "Heart and Souls" which aired in 1998 when I was like 12.

And there dies Bobby Simone, probably the most awesome character on that show and the main reason why I stuck through after season 3.

Then I'm bargaining, "no, they didn't really kill him -- it was just a fake-out and later on he actually comes back. Right? Right!? ... RIGHT!?!?!?!"

So, I fast forward some more and, yep, he comes back! Only... he comes back as a goddamn ghost like this he's supposed to suddenly be Patrick Swayze to Dennis Franz's Andy Sipowisz's Demi Moore in Ghost now. To add insult to injury, they don't do this until SEASON FUCKING TWELVE!

But back to my point. This show hasn't been on television in over 10 years. I just started watching it on a whim and the episode/story-arc in question is almost 20 years old. So, is that really a spoiler? Was I really spoilered? And, if not, then what is the time-frame for spoilers and spoiler alerts? Is it a day, a week, a month, a year?

What is the statute of limitations on spoiler alerts?

Because, as all die-hard fan-boys, fan-girls, and fan-people know... there is no greater sin than a spoiler. You have killed not just suspense, dramatic tension, and general enjoyment, but you have kill a piece of a person's very soul. You have committed The Unforgiveable. For which you'll probably wake to find a bloody horse head on your mattress. Placed there, in all likelihood by the ghosts of TV past, present, and future.

But let's not get off-track here. When does a spoiler no longer require an alert? And does this change based on the show? Like, HBO's first season of True Detective versus the first season of The Mysteries of Laura? Does the awesomeness and/or popularity of the show make a difference in the length that a spoiler alert sticks? Or is that irrelevant?

And, if different shows get different types/lengths of spoiler alerts, who decides? How do you rank and enforce such a complex faxu pas in light of the thousands upon thousands of shows, movies, and including those justifiably canceled as well as those that should never have been canceled.

I don't pretend to have the answers. But in the light of such a ridiculously random spoilering as my own, the question is well worth thinking about.

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