The Advocate

Just in case anyone was curious about why it takes a full five-paragraph essay to respond to a single sentence of misinformation. Well, now you know why! Credit to @sketchplanator Take note and take care.

(Even Sean Connery Will Not Stand Idly By) I spend an inordinate amount of time arguing with people on the internet. I have literally held up one index finger to My Life in order to finish the last sentence to a comment the length of a fortune cookie that took 30 minutes to think up. I'm not ashamed of this. I'm an arguer. I come from the land of arguers, raised by argumentative folks in a world of argumentative things where Up could very well be Down, depending on your perspective, and even the color of the sky was debatable. (You probably think that last sentence is an exaggeration. It's cute.) I've played Devil's Advocate so many times that if I could charge billable hours I would be rich enough to buy a Scrooge McDuck pool vault for the rest of my money. Hell, as a child, I used to raise my hand in class just so I could argue the most inane points of semantical nitpicky nothing-burgers. Once I launched myself into cyberspace, I played flamer , concer

1. People who fail to use their turn-signal, resulting in: cutting me off, causing me to slam on my brakes, missing a light, nearly crashing into cars, going very slow, going waaaay too fast, backing-up traffic, confusing the fuck out of everyone in the immediate vicinity, and otherwise causing unsafe roadside conditions. Solution: USE. YOUR. FUCKING. TURN. SIGNAL. IT IS LITERALLY 1 INCH FROM YOUR HAND ON THE WHEEL. I CAN'T READ MINDS YOU IDIOTS AND I DON'T NEED NO CAR CRASHES AND VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER IN MY LIFE. 2. People who forget that sidewalks have lane. I mean, sidewalks have LANES like roads do. They split in the middle for opposites sides of foot traffic. The left-most side is for the fast walkers. The right-most side is for the slow walkers. The middle-most side is for the middle-most people. (Side-note: you also don't stop in the middle of the sidewalk. You go to the far end in order to not obstruct foot traffic. If you stop in the middle someone -- not n