Arguing on the Internet

(Even Sean Connery Will Not Stand Idly By)

I spend an inordinate amount of time arguing with people on the internet. I have literally held up one index finger to My Life in order to finish the last sentence to a comment the length of a fortune cookie that took 30 minutes to think up.

I'm not ashamed of this. I'm an arguer. I come from the land of arguers, raised by argumentative folks in a world of argumentative things where Up could very well be Down, depending on your perspective, and even the color of the sky was debatable.

(You probably think that last sentence is an exaggeration. It's cute.)

I've played Devil's Advocate so many times that if I could charge billable hours I would be rich enough to buy a Scrooge McDuck pool vault for the rest of my money. Hell, as a child, I used to raise my hand in class just so I could argue the most inane points of semantical nitpicky nothing-burgers. Once I launched myself into cyberspace, I played flamer, concern troll, JAQ, a sock puppet, and even both sides of Poe's Law. But the worst was when I was genuine, earnest, and in good faith.

I was probably an annoying little shit, but I learned a lot. I also probably caused several coronaries and/or seizures.

Nowadays, I tend to argue with people who aren't just categorically wrong, but wrong about important things -- like social justice, the Oxford comma, and whether hot-dogs are sandwiches. But mostly social justice.

And I don't care who I end up arguing with. If someone says something wrong, I'm going to call that shit out. I'm going to cite my sources, plaster the receipts, and label every single logical fallacy from ad iram to OTS. (I also read A LOT of RationalWiki.) I'll even argue with people whom, in most circumstances, I would make common-cause with! Even as I sadly lament their failings and inability to deal with whatever wrongness they're exhibiting.

This behavior has gotten me kicked, squelched, and/or banned more than a few times. I don't care. I give negative infinity fucks for the consequences of an argument along the asshole of the interwebs.

However, I do give infinity fucks about whoever it was that is wrong. I care because, indeed, there actually is a coherent philosophy of morality and ethics that covers all manner of discussion in a warm blanket of This Is True and Fuck Off With That Other Shit.

I know, if I get into so many arguments with so many, clearly, negative consequences over all manner of subjects, then I'm probably not a Modern Major-General and possibly actually... *GASP* WRONG!

Except that would require me to not have the collective knowledge of humanity at my fingertips on a nigh 24-7-52-12-365 basis. See, I enjoy researching topics, even/especially in real time, when engaging in conversation, debate, argument, etc., on the interwebs. You make a claim, and I will fact-check it into oblivion. You counter my assertions, and I will drown you in evidence. I drop knowledge bombs -- and they are destructive.

Seriously, they are. I have actually destroyed relationships because of getting into arguments with people over them being wrong, usually about something important. Bigotry. Compassion. Reality. Y'know, the basics. Family, friends, colleagues, and, of course, total strangers.

So it goes. I'm not built for anything else but being contrarian when confronted with absolutism and/or wrongness. I'm self-righteous and I know it. I'm stubborn and I love it. I'm crazy and I embrace it. I'm a great debater and I live it.

Still... it gets lonely, sometimes, when you wrap yourself in the tight folds of ego. Or, as Professor Albus Dumbledore said, "I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being--forgive me--rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.”

Which is why I have dedicated my talents in the pursuit of social justice, of compassion, of public service, of understanding, of love, of community, of wisdom, of peace, of liberty, of justice, of happiness for all.

Now, pardon me, but I need to get going -- someone's wrong somewhere on the internet again! Cheers.

(XKCD #386.)