When I Am In Doubt

(Source.)

There are times when I feel as if I cannot trust myself. There are times when I feel as if my own judgement is insufficient to conquer my doubts, the internalized fear that has been with me since childhood. There are times when I fall into the trap poignantly stated by William Butler Yeats, Bertrand Russell, and even Charles goddamn Bukowski.

These times are often no more feverish than when confronted with antisemitism...

Here is paraphrased excerpt from Irena Klepfisz's "Anti-Semitism in the Lesbian/Feminist Movement" (pgs. 49-51), offering a series of questions that "both Jewish and non-Jewish women might consider asking in trying to identify in themselves sources of shame, conflict, doubt, and anti-Semitism." (H/t to The Debate Link for their summary and sourcing.)

1. Do I have to check with other Jewish people in order to verify whether something is antisemitic?

2. Do I distrust my own judgement on this issue?

3. When I am certain, am I afraid to speak out?

4. Am I afraid that by focusing on antisemitism I am being divisive?

5. Do I feel that by asking other people to deal with antisemitism I am draining a movement of precious energy that would be better used elsewhere?

6. Do I feel that antisemitism has been discussed too much already and feel embarrassed to bring it up?

7. Do I feel that the commercial presses and the media are covering the issue of antisemitism adequately and that it is unnecessary to bring it up also in the movement?

8. Am I embarrassed by the way antisemitism/the Holocaust is presented in the media? If so, why?

9. Do I have strong disagreements with and/or am ashamed of Israeli policies and, as a result, don't feel that I can defend Jews wholeheartedly against antisemitism?

10. Is it possible for me to disagree with Israeli policy and still oppose antisemitism?

11. Do I feel guilty and/or ashamed of Jewish racism in this country and, as a result, feel I can't defend Jews wholeheartedly against antisemitism?

12. Is it possible for me to acknowledge Jewish racism, struggle against it, and still feel Jewish pride? And still oppose antisemitism?

13. Do I feel that Jews have done well in this country and, therefore, should not complain?

14. Do I feel that historically, sociologically, and/or psychologically, antisemitism is "justified" or "understandable," and that I am, therefore, willing to tolerate it?

15. Do I feel that antisemitism exists but it is "not so bad" or "not so important"? If so, why?

16. Do I believe that by focusing on the problems of antisemitism I will make it worse? If so, why?

17. Do I feel that Jews draw too much attention to themselves? If so, how?

18. Do I associate the struggle against antisemitism with conservatism? If so, why?

19. What Jewish stereotypes am I afraid of being identified with? And what do I repress in myself in order to prevent such identification?

I feel like these could be re-purposed to almost any social movement and marginalized identity. And, at the risk of being glib, it's not like it's 20 questions! But they are meaningful ones.